“We moved for my partner’s job and I hate it!”

If you’ve moved for your partner’s job and you hate it then you’re not alone.

When my husband and I were deciding where to buy a house, I have to be honest, Margate (where we now live) wasn’t at the top of my list.

I’m not a seaside-town-gal and part of me wanted to be with my friends up North in Manchester – home is where your heart is and all that.

we moved for my partners job and I hate it

We were living in London at the time and I liked the idea of staying in a city: I felt like I needed the atmosphere and the ‘buzz’ (oh, how things have changed).

For one reason or another though, the sunny-seaside-town of Margate, had our names on it and we purchased our two-up-two-down just before Christmas, 2020.

I was, by no means, dragged kicking and screaming, I was excited about the little town, but whenever I felt lonely, London-sick or irritated by the vigorous westerly wind, I couldn’t help but feel resentful.

Inside I was like a small child kicking toys out of their pram: “why did you make me move here,” I would think.

Of course, he didn’t ‘make me’ do anything, we came to an informed decision together and, I too, was enthralled about a new life in Margate, but sometimes I didn’t fancy living with that thought.

we moved for my partners job and I hate it - Peter's Fish Factory Margate

Reasons not to relocate for a job

We moved to Kent because we wanted extra space, but we wanted to be close to London; my husband is a musician and I’m a content creator – we need to work from home with some sound-insulated walls between us. Ideally.

So I guess you could say we both moved for work, in a way. But work isn’t everything. As I’m sure you know.

According to studies, community has a positive impact on our mental health and as headlines would read: ‘loneliness is a bigger killer than smoking.’

If you have a close knit community – if you know the guy who works in your local coffee shop and your Mum lives up the road – then maybe that’s worth more than a bright, shiny new job.

“I resent my partner for making me move for their job”

Resentment can be the death of a relationship, but it doesn’t have to be; depending on what you’re resentful for, you can get over it, but it might take time.

In my case, I was probably angry at myself more than anything; I couldn’t provide the means for us to stay and live in London myself so there was a grieving process to go through and some acceptance to be had (not to mention some toys to be picked up and put back in the pram – figuratively).

To get over resentment in a relationship you need to get to the root cause of it and communicate thoroughly with your partner; letting anything fester can be a recipe for disaster.

How I learnt to love where we moved to

As I mentioned earlier, community is important to us humans and although it might seem impossible to build it from scratch, it can be done.

As soon as I started to feel grateful for everything we had here, instead of everything we didn’t, my resentment melted away. I threw myself into my new life and began to love it: I joined as many clubs as I could, I reached out to people online and I threw a dinner party for some women in the area.

Creating a home I love living in has been a really important factor in learning to love where we moved to. I put my heart and soul into renovating and decorating, so much so, it’s hard to get me out the front door!

Read more: my husband won’t let me decorate

How to cope when you’ve moved for your partner’s job

  • Set a deadline to review the move after a year or two, if you’re still not happy then you can both reassess and think about jumping ship.
  • Give yourself some time; it took me about a year and a half to love where we’d moved to.
  • Remember why you moved in the first place and everything you were excited about doing.
  • Write a gratitude list; write everything you love about your new life (even if it’s only small things).
  • Get involved in the local community.
  • Hold a coffee morning for other people new to the area (don’t be afraid to be the instigator).
  • Join Facebook, WhatsApp or Instagram groups for your local area and get chatting.
  • Explore, explore, explore! Explore everything your new home has to offer and the surrounding areas. Discover everything it has to offer.

Read the latest weekly edit here

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: